Spreading the Wings of Angels Foundation

I Wanted So Much More For You

I wanted so much more for you, my sweet little baby.

I wanted to change your diapers, not my life.

I wanted to nurse you, not my grief.

I wanted to dress you up, not bury you down.

I wanted to hear the sounds of your crying for me at night,

not my own sounds of crying for you,

my innocent, misconceived baby.

I wanted to see you grow, not the grass upon your grave.

I wanted to see you asleep in your crib, not in the casket.

I wanted to give you life, not death.

I wanted to show you off, not alone go on.

I wanted to comb your fuzzy hair, not save a lock of it.

I wanted to pick up after you, not put down my dreams for you.

I wanted to hold you in my arms, not this doll.

I wanted to wake you late at night, not my fears. 

I wanted so much for you,

my newly born, newly gone - child.

I wanted so much more

I wanted so much

I wanted

I wanted you.

“A Pair of Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author unknown

I thought of you and closed my eyes; and prayed to God today

I asked what makes a mother and I know I heard him say...

A mother has a baby, this we know is true.

But god, can you be a mother, when your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied with confidence in His voice,

I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime; and others for a day

And some I send you feel your womb, but there's no need to stay.

I don't understand this, God, I want my baby here

He took a breath and cleared His throat, and then, I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you what your child is doing today

If you could see your child smile with other children and say;

"We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear,

My mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom, who had so much love for me.

I learned my lesson very quickly, my mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy oh so much but I visit her each day

When she goes to sleep, on her pillow is where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek; whisper in her ear

mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here."

So, you see, my dear sweet one, your child is okay

Your babies are here in my home; and this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with me, until your lesson is through

And on the day that you come home, they'll be at the gates for you.

So, now you see what makes a mother, it's the feeling from your heart

It's the love you had so much of, right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize your a mother.

They'll be up here with me one day and know you're the best one.